Happy, happy birthday!

Happy 4th birthday, Hope!

Here are a few of a gillion things running through my mind:

May, 14th, 2005 was one of the best days of my life and perhaps the most spiritual. I am very grateful for the memories I have of that day.

I Wonder When He Comes Again is one of my favorite Primary songs. It was sung at her funeral. I am glad that Abby has been wanting to learn it lately.

It's hard to believe that I have a 4-year-old baby. (I think of all the little girls in the 3rd ward born within a couple months of her - Lauren, Olivia, Annie, Anna - and look at the girls in our branch her age - Abby F. and Miriam - and can sort of envision what she'd be doing as a big girl 4-year-old.) She'd be a Sunbeam!

It also seems like it all happened so long ago. Life has changed a lot since then.

As much as I would like Hope here with us, I would never trade in the experiences we passed through if given the option. I am grateful for what I learned and the ways I grew (and continue to grow). As crummy and tough as it was, the experience as a whole was a blessing.

I wish I knew Hope better. Sometimes I feel like I have little glimpses into her personality. Someday...

I wonder what she'd look like. What color would her hair be? She had all the dark hair when she was born and so did Abby, but Abby's has lightened up a lot. Would hers have too?

Thanks to all of you who remember her, who refer to her and who ask about her. It makes me feel good. Sometimes I don't feel like her mom because I'm not doing the day to day motherly stuff for her, but those things remind me that she is mine!

Here is one of my favorite Hope scriptures. "If in this life only we have hope in Christ, we are of all men most miserable (1 Corinthians 15:19)." I like to read it like this: "If in this life only we have [Hope Elisabeth], we are of all [families] most miserable." Fortunately, through the blessing of the gospel brought about by Jesus Christ, we don't have to be miserable because she is ours long beyond this life!